How to Survive a Major Financial Loss

Money isn’t just numbers. It’s self-confidence, relationships, and a future that seemed so secure.

“We lost a huge investment and still have a huge debt to the bank. I’m tormented by thoughts about how we could have miscalculated so badly. We had a good income, we could have been living comfortably, but through our own stupidity, we lost everything and got into debt. The stress has also affected our family relationships. I tell myself it’s good that the universe gave us money, but I still torment myself with constant thoughts about how this could have happened.”

We received this message in our Telegram channel ” How Are You? ” We asked experts to support our reader and offer advice on how to deal with this difficult life situation.

This time, we decided to write a full-length article based on this post. In it, you’ll learn:

how to accept that the standard of living has decreased ;
how to overcome guilt;
How not to panic if you have debts ;
How to support each other in the family and stay on good terms during a difficult financial situation.

What happens if you don’t accept the loss of a large sum of money?

Losing a significant amount of money is a devastating blow, especially if it impacts important life events (such as education and homeownership) or leaves you in debt. At such moments, you feel as if you’ve lost control over both your inner and outer world.

But these aren’t just emotions. Research from the HSE Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience has shown that the brain reacts to such losses in the same way it does to a life-threatening situation. Furthermore, worrying about money is directly linked to mental and physical health risks, as it can lead to chronic stress, which can even trigger the development of cardiovascular disease.

Loss aversion, or acutely experiencing it , is detrimental to mental health. Signs of negative changes in thinking may manifest themselves as follows:

gloomy thoughts constantly arise about oneself, others, or the world in general, and faith in the future is lost;
it becomes difficult to maintain close relationships;
interest in favorite activities disappears;
a feeling of emotional detachment arises;
reactions to what is happening become atypical: for example, a person cries a lot or breaks down on people, although this was previously uncharacteristic for him.

Changes in emotional and physical state can be expressed as:

in self-destructive behavior – for example, in alcohol abuse;
in sleep disorders;
in reducing concentration;
in irritability;
in fits of anger;
in a feeling of guilt or shame that cannot be dealt with on one’s own.

What to do about this?

1. Accept your feelings

Losing money is often followed by anxious thoughts, panic, irritability, and a tendency to withdraw. It’s important to learn to recognize this state early on, not to suppress it or feel ashamed of it, but to take action (we’ll discuss these below).

There’s a theory about the five stages of grief according to Kübler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While this theory doesn’t always apply literally to financial losses, it helps us understand that your reaction is completely normal and that you haven’t broken down.

2. Don’t rush into decisions

Don’t make any important decisions immediately after a financial loss: panic and the desire to recoup losses will only make the situation worse. Give yourself at least a day to calm down emotionally before taking any further steps.

3. Don’t suppress your emotions

Be honest with yourself: acknowledge that you’re struggling right now. And help yourself navigate this moment:

If you feel like crying or screaming, allow yourself to do so safely, alone or into a pillow. These activities help relieve internal tension.
Grounding techniques can also help when anxiety hits : stop, focus your attention on real objects around you, move your fingers, listen to the sounds around you—this helps you break out of the stream of anxious thoughts.
A breathing exercise also works well : inhale slowly for a count of four, hold your breath, exhale, and pause again. After a few cycles, anxiety usually subsides, and your breathing and heart rate even out.
Simple rituals also help : exercise, walks, meditation, yoga; the body and mind are closely connected, and this should not be forgotten.

4. Regain control through planning and situation analysis

Once the emotional tension subsides, do some analysis: write down in detail how much money was lost, how much is left, and what obligations there are.

Take inventory to get a sense of the real situation:

calculate your current income;
analyze financial obligations;
Remember what expenses were planned.

Use a finance tracker or an expense tracking app for this: it’s easier to document your current situation and track where your money is going. This is a given that you’ll need to work with and be aware of.

5. Learn lessons and rethink your life strategy

Once the initial emotions subside, return to the situation and examine its causes. Think clearly:

What exactly happened?
What decisions or circumstances led to this?
Was it risk, lack of awareness, trusting the wrong people, or bad luck?

Honestly record the knowledge and skills you lacked and the lessons you learned.

You can also write down your emotions, thoughts, and fears separately. Sometimes it can be helpful to write an honest letter to yourself: express all your thoughts and emotions without filtering your words until you feel a slight sense of relief. This exercise helps you process your losses and take the first step toward accepting what has happened.

“The most important thing to admit to yourself is that the situation has gone beyond the norm. This will be a major step in addressing the problem. By continuing to put on a brave face, we become trapped in a vicious cycle of thoughts. More and more questions arise that we can’t find answers to, compounded by anxiety that our needs and financial habits can’t remain the same. When you allow yourself to accept that change is happening, a solution may come much more quickly.”

6. Focus on available resources

After a financial loss, it’s important to remember what you have left—this could be skills, knowledge, experience, health, family, or friendly support. Evaluate them objectively: these are the resources that will help you build a recovery plan.

Isolation makes the situation worse, so if possible, discuss what happened with someone you trust: calm support is sometimes more effective than any advice.

7. Develop resilience

From a psychological perspective, resilience is the ability to overcome difficulties and eventually return to normal life. Expressing emotions, self-care, and regularly working on mistakes help develop this skill.

Your attitude and behavior towards a situation determines whether you emerge from it with a new experience or become stuck in it.

“You are your ability to adapt, your inner flexibility, and the core you can rely on when everything outside is shaking.

Acceptance begins with honesty. With a simple statement of the facts: “Yes, I need to reconsider my lifestyle,” “Yes, things are difficult now, but this is not the end.” This is a transitional period. Sometimes painful, but it opens the opportunity to rethink many things.

Try replacing the phrase “We’ve lost everything” in your internal dialogue with “We need to rebuild our life.” This isn’t just a play on words—it activates different neural pathways. When we talk about ourselves as victims, our brain switches to survival mode: stress, cortisol, anxiety. But when we say, “We’re rebuilding,” we regain a sense of control, clarity of thought, and the strength to take the next step.

How to deal with guilt

Guilt is the brain’s natural response to loss, especially if you believe you could have influenced the outcome. It triggers rumination —painful, intrusive thoughts about past mistakes and decisions that make it difficult to move forward.

“In a situation outside our norm, the need for control is natural. We strive to regain our footing to feel stable. This is where guilt comes from—you’re no longer living up to what you’re used to.”

At times like these, it’s best to focus on those areas that are currently under your control. I also recommend lowering your expectations of yourself, avoiding self-flagellation, and avoiding excessive strictness.

Allow yourself to let things go: let things happen naturally, without your involvement. Focusing too much on details during this period will be detrimental to your psyche.”

To stop endlessly ruminating, use the “But on the other hand…” technique: look for the positive even in a loss—for example, you’ve now gained valuable experience. This helps shift your focus from self-criticism to opportunities.

Acknowledge your emotions

There’s nothing wrong with feeling guilty or angry at yourself. Acknowledge these feelings without self-deprecation: you don’t have to immediately dismiss your emotions—give yourself time to process them.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to working with difficult emotions and thoughts from the book ” The Happiness Trap: Stop Worrying and Start Living ” by leading expert in acceptance and commitment therapy, Russ Harris. It’s specifically for situations where thoughts of investment losses and debt are plaguing you, and stress is interfering with your life and damaging your relationships.

Difficulty of the situation:

loss of a large sum of money;
debt to the bank, fear of not being able to pay it off;
family conflicts over money and general stress;
a feeling of guilt, thoughts that “one could live happily ever after.”

1. Write down how emotions are expressed—for example, like this:

Emotions and physical sensations:

constant anxiety, self-deprecation, resentment towards oneself, guilt, shame;
manifestations in the body: tightness in the chest, tension in the neck, internal lump.

Motivations:

to get thoughts out of your head with the help of TV series/social networks/food;
desire to argue, blame oneself or others, avoid communication;
the impulse to buy something to somehow please yourself.

Obsessive thoughts:

“How could we do such a stupid thing?”
“We have lost everything, life is destroyed!”
“We will never pay off, we will be in debt forever.”
“We are losers.”

2. Identify what does not help, but rather worsens the condition:

self-flagellation, prolonged replaying of negative scenarios;
quarrels with loved ones – irritability and nagging;
excessive privacy – turn off your phone, lock yourself in with streaming video.
excessive consumption of unhealthy foods, alcohol or coffee.
Procrastination is doing nothing, avoiding solving specific problems.
numbness – lying around pointlessly, doing nothing useful.

3. Write down what you’re already doing and what you’d like to start doing. Steps forward are what will really help:

Master the skill of detachment—the ability to notice, “There it is, I’m hooked.” Try telling yourself, “This is just a thought, not the truth. It’s ringing in my head, but I don’t have to act on it.” “I notice I’m berating myself again. It’s normal when a loss is so painful. But I can choose to do something beneficial for myself or linger in this self-criticism.” Breathing, short pauses, shifting your attention to the feeling of a solid surface under your feet, performing routine tasks (washing your hands, pouring yourself some water)—all these are minimal “anchors” in the present moment that will help you avoid getting stuck in an automatic routine.
Look for ways to get support—it could be a psychologist or just talking to an understanding friend.
Work with a budget: try to keep track of your expenses and look for realistic ways to restructure your debt.
Strengthen your relationships with your family – try not to isolate yourself, discuss problems.
Take care of yourself, don’t give up walking and sports – start with the simplest steps.
Record even small victories—for example, if you managed to go at least ten minutes without scolding yourself.
Realize that the value of life lies in the ability to take care of yourself and your loved ones, learn and move on.

At this stage, you’ll need to be specific: what issues need to be addressed first? Explore several options for each of the most important tasks.

Once you’ve developed your list, take the first manageable step. Don’t expect success overnight, but taking gradual steps will restore a sense of control.

Share responsibility and the situation

Realize that losing money is often related not only to your actions but also to external circumstances—the economy, the global situation. Accept that not everything in life is under your control.

Challenge automatic negative thoughts

Write down phrases like “We messed everything up” and consciously analyze them using the ABCDE method (Event – Belief – Consequence – Refutation – New Effect). Prove that it’s not your total incompetence, but simply your experience.

Record your progress and successes

Keep a “micro-victory journal”: note down every positive action—even if it’s just one day without checking your account or your first successful savings. Such victories restore a sense of control over your life.

Don’t be left alone with the problem

Seek help from specialists: a financial advisor can help you develop a crisis recovery strategy, a psychotherapist can help you cope with difficult feelings and prevent them from developing into depression, and a lawyer can protect your rights in the event of fraud or complex debt.

“Admitting a mistake doesn’t mean admitting your worthlessness. It means taking the experience and drawing meaning from it.

Try this: instead of blaming yourself, separate responsibility from self-criticism. Responsibility means analyzing, drawing conclusions, and strengthening your strategy. Self-blame, on the other hand, means treading water, repeating to yourself what a poor strategist you are. This isn’t constructive, but rather internal aggression masking fear.

A helpful tool is to write a letter to your future self. From a time when you’ve already experienced this period. Where you’ve recovered, learned, and become stronger. How would you support yourself? What would you say to yourself with love and respect?

For example: “We did the best we could with the knowledge we had. Yes, the market behaved differently. Yes, it was painful. But we’re alive. We’ve gotten smarter. And that’s far more valuable than just money.”

Everyone makes mistakes—even those we consider financial geniuses. But the strong aren’t those who never fell. The strong are those who rose up with self-respect.”

How not to panic if you’re in big debt

Serious financial difficulties often cause confusion and anxiety. Here are some approaches to help you cope with your emotions and regain control of your life.

“Panic isn’t ‘just an emotion.’ It’s biochemistry. When we panic, cortisol is released into the bloodstream. It literally blocks access to the frontal lobes of the brain—the part where logic, strategy, and considered decisions reside. So, the more panic, the less ability to think. So, before any action, stop. Breathe. Focus on your body. Look out the window, feel the floor beneath your feet. Reconnect with the present moment. Only then begin to act.”

1. Rely on your experience

Remember the challenges you’ve overcome in the past: this will strengthen your self-confidence. Each of us already has a reserve of resilience and adaptability—remind yourself of this. Focus not on your losses, but on the resources and opportunities you have left. A mindset of tackling even the most difficult challenges will give you inner strength.

2. Don’t run away from problems

Take action, even if you’re scared: problems don’t solve themselves.

What can be done:

Make a list of all obligations: amounts, terms, interest.
First, close the most expensive loans and discuss possible restructuring with banks.
Cut unnecessary expenses, eliminate unnecessary subscriptions, and reconsider your food spending.
Don’t take out new microloans: this will only make the situation worse.
Look for additional sources of income, such as part-time work.

3. Let go of guilt for past mistakes

Remorse over past financial decisions is useless—it’s far more important to learn from them and focus on moving forward. Don’t compare yourself to others: everyone has their own story behind the impressive images. Move forward without getting stuck in shame.

4. Develop new skills

Studying is an investment in your future. Master new skills, improve your qualifications, and broaden your horizons—this will open up additional income streams and opportunities for growth.

5. Notice new opportunities

Crises shake up our lives, pushing us toward inner growth. Try to view the current situation not as the end, but as the beginning of a new stage and a chance to try something new.

“But here, as with any stress, it is necessary to shift the focus of attention from the general array of problems to possible, smaller-scale processes.

“Your surroundings—your close circle of friends, family, and other support groups—will provide undeniable support. Knowing you’re not alone with your problem helps you ease the burden of responsibility and find a solution.”

How to support each other, avoid blaming, and stay on good terms

To support each other through difficult financial situations, it’s important to communicate honestly and openly, avoiding blame. Open dialogue not only helps resolve problems but also brings people closer; any lies or omissions usually only increase tension.

Maintain a constructive conversation

Use the “I” statement technique —frame your thoughts as your feelings and wishes, without resorting to accusations. For example: “I’m upset that we’re having such difficulties right now, it makes me anxious, but let’s try to find a solution together.”

It’s important not only to talk, but also to listen: ask clarifying questions, try to understand what your loved one is worried about – this way you will maintain engagement and trust in each other.

Have regular family discussions about finances .

For example, once a week. Stick to the rule of discussing the situation calmly, supporting each other, and seeking solutions rather than assigning blame. Phrase your thoughts in a positive light: “We can handle this together” is more valuable than recriminations.

“Anxiety becomes a trigger that negatively impacts the quality of a relationship and can even lead to a breakup. By exacerbating existing problems and tension, stress becomes fatal for couples who are used to keeping everything to themselves and unable to speak up. The negative consequences manifest not only on an emotional level but also on a physiological level (psychosomatics), depriving partners of the ability to fulfill their usual responsibilities both within the relationship and in the outside world. The secret to a healthy relationship is a willingness to openly communicate your feelings, discuss the causes of stress, and work together to find solutions. Both partners must understand that they are a team striving for mutual understanding. The key is for this decision to be mutual: if one partner doesn’t share the other’s feelings and doesn’t engage in dialogue, it’s a one-sided game and will only make the situation worse.”

If possible, distribute tasks

Some are looking for new sources of income, others are optimizing their budgets or finding bargains. Planning even small joys together—whether it’s a picnic in the park instead of a vacation—will maintain a warm atmosphere.

The main thing to remember is that any difficulties are easier to overcome together if you speak honestly and support each other, rather than withdrawing into yourself or looking for someone to blame. This approach strengthens relationships and creates a sense of unity even in difficult times.

“Losing money almost always affects loved ones. Instead of ‘We’re in this together,’ it becomes ‘Who’s to blame?’ One withdraws, the other blames, and both are stressed. And suddenly the main problem isn’t money, but silence and detachment.

What helps? Talk. Simply: “I’m scared,” “I’m angry,” “Let’s not be silent.” Emotional connection isn’t a sign of weakness, but a source of support.

Act together. Not “Why did this happen?”, but “What do we do next?”

Divide the roles: one thinks, the other supports. Then vice versa.

Losing money isn’t the end of a relationship. It’s a test. And if you go through it together, you’ll become closer than ever.

What can support you at this moment:

honesty with ourselves – without devaluation and self-blame;
warm support from loved ones – not out of shame, but out of trust;
pause before action – to avoid making decisions based on emotions;
Working with a coach or psychologist—so you don’t get stuck in your head, so you don’t get stuck in the endless “Why did we do this?”

If your emotions are getting out of control, don’t hesitate to seek support from a psychologist.