Why, when and how to educate a child about the future.
From this article you will learn:
- Why and when to start preparing a teenager for adult life;
- How ready is a teenager for independent life – checklist;
- What everyday knowledge and emotional skills are necessary for a teenager to transition into adulthood?
Why prepare a teenager for adulthood?
The transition from childhood to adulthood is a process in which a teenager must not only grow up, but also learn how to live: cope with emotions, make decisions, build relationships, earn money, and take care of themselves.
If you don’t start preparing your child in advance, there’s a good chance your teenager will face anxiety, uncertainty, and confusion when the first signs of adulthood appear in their life.
For example, when students enter university, they enter a zone beyond parental supervision. And if they lack a basic understanding of the real world, they can lose track of what’s happening. They can forget the purpose of all this studying and just have fun, or, conversely, retreat into an academic corner, oblivious to the fact that life isn’t just about essays and exams.
Adolescence is a crucial and vulnerable stage in brain development. During this time, the brain literally undergoes a restructuring. Particularly significant changes occur in the prefrontal cortex—the area responsible for self-control, planning skills, decision-making, and the ability to understand the consequences of one’s actions.
Changes in the brain create unique opportunities for learning and developing new skills, identity, and autonomy . But they also explain the impulsiveness typical of adolescents and the risks associated with it.
The main goal of preparing for adulthood is to support the transition so it is smooth and not traumatic. Adolescent crisis researcher Laurence Steinberg emphasizes that teenagers need not only freedom, but also:
- understanding personal boundaries and the ability not to violate the boundaries of others;
- care and understanding from adults;
- a feeling of security and acceptance at home.
All this will help teenagers learn from mistakes, find themselves, their values, their place in the world, and develop healthy self-esteem and a stable self .
When should you start preparing your teenager for adulthood?
The earlier preparation for adulthood begins, the better. This doesn’t mean you need to lecture your children about mortgages at age ten. Each age has its own areas, its own conversations, its own level of responsibility. It’s a gradual process, not a sudden leap at age 17: “That’s it, you’re an adult, figure it out.”
10–12 years
This is a great time to start talking about money (where it comes from and where it goes), emotions , and respect for personal boundaries .
You can teach a child to make small decisions (choosing clothes, breakfast, or even whether to go to practice) and analyze the outcome—without blaming, simply as an experience. For an adult, these are small matters, but for a teenager, they are internal choices with emotional weight.
13–15 years old
It’s time for gradual growth of independence. We teach them to plan their day, monitor their studies, and try to complete household chores together (from grocery shopping to riding the subway independently). This process requires both trust in the child and a space in which they can take responsibility for themselves and their life.
16–18 years old
It’s now time to discuss career paths, relationships , personal romantic boundaries, domestic independence, and legal rights . The more a teenager knows about how the world works, the less fear they’ll experience when entering it.
For example, a high school student might be seriously worried about not getting into college and “everything will fall apart,” even though they actually have options: work, college, a gap year, or moving. Or a teenager might not know that they have the right to refuse intimacy with their partner , even if they’ve been dating for a long time. They might not know simply because they haven’t talked about it with anyone.
Cooking doesn’t mean overloading. It means supporting growth, giving more freedom, and teaching how to manage it. Be there, keep them informed, but don’t judge or prohibit (except in cases where the child’s decisions and choices are detrimental to their health and safety).
How to tell if a teenager is ready for life without parents
Below is a seven-question checklist to help you determine your child’s readiness for adulthood. Review this list and try to answer honestly: what is your teenager already good at, and what can you work on together—calmly, without yelling or panicking.
Point #1: Does a teenager know how to make choices on their own and live with those choices?
Additional questions to consider:
- Can a child decide for themselves what to wear or what to order at a cafe? Doesn’t they later complain that they should have chosen something else, or say, “I don’t like what I bought at all,” requiring additional resources to change their choice?
- Does the teenager try new things? Can they take risks and try something that might not work the first time?
- If a child makes a mistake, does he admit it and draw conclusions?
Let’s say an eighth-grader asks for a subscription to guitar lessons. A week later, he realizes it’s not for him. What does he do? Does he say someone forced him to, that he doesn’t have time to go anymore, that he has too many lessons? Or does he honestly admit that he tried it and realized he didn’t want it at all?
Point #2: Can the teenager speak to people calmly and confidently?
Auxiliary questions:
- Are you afraid to ask teachers questions or call to sign up for something?
- Knows how to say “No” without dying of guilt?
- Can you discuss the conflict calmly (at least after a few days)?
For example, a child allowed a friend to use their game account, but after a month, they realized it was very inconvenient. In such a situation, can the teenager initiate a calm conversation with their friend without causing a scene or argument? Can they defend their interests without turning their friend into an enemy over a mundane matter?
Point #3: Does the teenager understand how money works?
Does the card have a limit? If they receive money, do they spend it all on in-game donations or cosmetics on the first day, or do they save it? Are they able to save money and make conscious purchases (keep an eye on discounts and choose the best option for the best price)?
Point #4: Is the teenager able to take care of basic self-care?
Auxiliary questions:
- Can he cook something edible himself (other than instant noodles)?
- If necessary, can I turn on the dishwasher, washing machine, and blown fuses in the meter? Or find instructions online?
- Does he know where the passport, SNILS and thermometer are?
If a 16-year-old teenager can spend ten days of his parents’ vacation alone and not get gastritis, this point can be considered closed.
Point #5: Does the teenager understand his feelings?
Auxiliary questions:
- Can distinguish one emotion from another: I’m angry, I’m anxious, I’m tired, and not just “I’m feeling bad”?
- Is he afraid of being sad, does he think that it is a weakness?
- Does he know what helps him when he’s struggling (a walk, music, hugs, a break)? Can he ask for support, help, and calmly express his condition?
For example, if a tenth-grader came home in a bad mood and honestly said, “I need time to be alone,” that’s a great skill.
Point #6: Does the teenager have any idea of what awaits him in adult life?
Auxiliary questions:
- Does your child think that adult life is “do whatever you want” without alarms and reports?
- Can he tell us what he is interested in: professions, hobbies, areas?
- Knows that even if you haven’t made up your mind yet, that’s okay too? And how to change your mind?
If a teenager wonders, “How do I even become a screenwriter?” and searches online for stories of their idols, that’s already the first step toward the future.
Point #7: Does the teenager know how to ask for help, rather than silently drown in their experiences?
Auxiliary questions:
- Does the child know that it is possible and necessary to turn to adults not only when the situation has completely gotten out of control?
- Isn’t he afraid to say: “I don’t understand”?
- Does the child have at least one close person with whom he can talk honestly – about important, strange, and incomprehensible things?
If a child asks their parents what it was like to fall in love for the first time or get their first bad grade, it’s a good sign. It reflects the level of trust in the family and the ability to share feelings.
If you don’t get 4-7 checkmarks on the checklist, it’s probably time to move on to actively preparing your teenager for adult life.
* * *
Preparing a teenager for adulthood doesn’t mean controlling their every step. It means teaching them to rely on themselves and know they’re not alone . The most important thing parents can give is trust, stability, and warmth. Even if the child snorts and tries to retreat to their room.
The preparation process can be divided into two parts: developing independence in everyday matters and developing emotional stability.
How to develop independence in a teenager
Gradually give your child more freedom in making decisions—from simple, everyday matters (how to manage their time, shopping) to more serious ones (planning a budget, choosing clubs or hobbies). This helps develop a sense of responsibility for their own lives .
There are three important areas in the physical world that a teenager needs to be introduced to early on: everyday life, finances, goal setting, and planning.
Everyday life
It’s great when a 14-year-old doesn’t have to call their mom asking, “How do I cook buckwheat?” Therefore, involving a child in simple cooking tasks is both possible and necessary from the moment they enter middle school. You can also work together to clean, shop for groceries, and make weekly grocery lists.
A phrase that inspires rather than controls: “If you can handle cooking dinner yourself, we’ll go eat whatever you want on Friday.”
Finance
A teenager should know how not to spend all his pocket money in one day.
For example, a child has 5,000 rubles a month, and they immediately spend 4,500 rubles on a new T-shirt. The parents are shocked, but the teenager is happy. This is normal (even if it’s hard to watch). What can be done to avoid a repeat of this situation in the future?
- discuss what you definitely need to save for and what is just an impulse, a momentary temptation that is not always worth the expense;
- suggest keeping track of expenses (in a notebook or in an app);
- tell how you once got into trouble yourself: examples from life work better than morals;
- Do not give additional money for a month if, after an explanatory conversation, the teenager has not changed his behavior.
A phrase that doesn’t sound preachy: “Want to try creating a monthly spending plan together? We can use mine as an example.”
Goal setting and planning
It’s important to give your teenager tools for small achievements: set a goal for a week or a month—for example, learning to cook a certain dish or taking an online course on a topic that interests them.
Over time, the teenager will learn to see the connection between these small steps and the larger goal, and this will give them a sense of control over their life and self-confidence .
What you can say: “Life can often be quite uncertain, and that’s frustrating. A plan helps you focus your attention on where the answers lie, avoid getting lost, and remember that there are things worth your effort.”
How to emotionally prepare a child for adulthood
It’s important for teenagers to learn to cope with stress, failure, and change . Discuss their experiences with them, teach them to seek help and support themselves. Try to create an atmosphere where they can openly discuss their doubts and fears without fear of judgment. Provide support, but never impose your opinion.
There are four important steps of preparation in this area.
1. Teach them to make decisions and not be afraid of mistakes.
Your son wants to join a boxing club, even though yesterday he dreamed of being an eSports athlete? Let him try. Forgot to do his homework? Let him explain it to the teacher himself.
A teenager needs to try, make mistakes, choose, and then change their choices again. Don’t save them from every mistake—be the one who helps them understand the consequences, rather than fix everything.
A phrase that will support you: “Even if it doesn’t work out, it’s still an experience. I’m here if anything happens.”
2. Teach yourself to experience emotions, not hide them
My daughter came home, slammed the door, and didn’t sit down for family dinner. Something had clearly happened, but she couldn’t speak. Don’t be alarmed—she’s learning to cope with complex feelings. Try to name what she’s feeling out loud: naming the feeling is half the battle to accepting it.
Are you in pain? Scared? Resentful? Are you angry? Do you feel unfair? Does the world seem to be against you? Do you feel helpless inside? Do you want to cry and scream? Suggesting the right words at such a moment is important, but judging them is not.
The phrase, “What are you talking about?!” is the quickest path to silence. Say about yourself: “I worry when you’re silent. I’m here when you want to talk.”
Mini-step: Create an emotional code together . For example, a fridge magnet that says, “Don’t touch me today,” so you have a way to communicate your feelings even if you can’t speak.
3. Suggest ways to support emotional stability
Your son failed a test. Or he had a fight with a friend. Let your child know that all emotions are normal. Anger, sadness, and fear—all can be experienced and survived. Teach him to notice early signs of overload: fatigue, irritation, withdrawal, and together, find ways to recover (rest, walks, exercise, conversation).
And most importantly: remind yourself that asking for help when things are tough isn’t a sign of weakness, but of strength. True resilience isn’t about always being strong, but about recognizing when you’re feeling down and finding ways to be kind to yourself.
A good question: “What do you want right now: to be alone, to be hugged, or just for no one to bother you?”
The fourth step in preparation is to talk about relationships and love . Talk to your teenager about personal boundaries, the importance of saying “no,” and that everyone has the right to not want to communicate, get closer, or even engage in physical contact. Discuss what relationships are healthy and what aren’t (using examples from movies, books, and TV shows). Don’t judge, but listen.
A phrase that will give you support: “You don’t have to be perfect. The main thing is to be honest with yourself.”
4. Teach communication and conflict resolution skills
Teach your teenager to express their thoughts and feelings constructively, listen to others, and negotiate. This will be useful in personal relationships and at work.
A gentle introduction to the topic: “You don’t always have to be right. It’s important to be able to listen and understand how the other person feels, even if you disagree.” “Sometimes it’s not winning an argument that’s more important than staying connected.”
Preparing a teenager for adulthood isn’t just the parents’ job. It’s important to involve other adults the teenager can trust: teachers, mentors, older friends, or relatives.
Sometimes a teenager is more willing to listen not to mom and dad, but, for example, to an aunt who tells them how she rented her first apartment, or to a teacher who supported them during a difficult time. Such real-life examples make adulthood more relatable and understandable .
Additionally, external resources can be used: career counselors, psychologists, courses, and volunteer projects are now readily available. These help teenagers learn more about themselves, gain new skills, and experience adulthood in a safe environment.
The main thing is not to leave a child alone on the path to growing up and to give them the opportunity to rely not only on their family, but also on themselves and the world around them.